


dim lights

by Dimdive



Category: Gorillaz
Genre: Absent Characters, Abusive Relationships, Emotional Hurt, Headaches & Migraines, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Locked In, Mental Health Issues, Painkillers, Phase Three (Gorillaz), References to Depression, Sad Stuart "2D" Pot, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-05
Updated: 2020-04-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:01:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23492089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dimdive/pseuds/Dimdive
Summary: "At this point he wasn't even sure if he cared enough to count the pills anymore."2D is locked in his room and thinks about a lot of stuff when he feels a migraine coming and notices he's out of painkillers.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 54





	dim lights

2D felt dull.  
The blue haired man came to that conclusion after he noticed that his mood matched the dim light in his chaotic room more with every passing minute.

And oh, the minutes passed, one by one, even though it felt like he was trapped in a loop. The first seconds of every minute were fine. The numbers of seconds were low, just climbing steadily. The middle was the worst, when it felt like the minute would never end. And the last seconds were the most emotion-filled. Relief that another bit of time had passed, even hope that this would be the last one, and a monotone feeling of mindlessnes he couldn't quite get a hold on, not even describe it. And then it all repeated again.

Not that he cared.  
Right now he didn't really cared about anything, downing one pill after another and simply existing for the sake of it.  
Floating in a nonexistent room in his own mind that felt more real that anything right now and still was not there. He laid in his rumpled bed. Floating. He wanted to scream, to fight, to cry, but there was not a bit of energy left in his body. He simply laid there and fed himself with thoughts, dullness and painkillers, their cold, smooth surface soothering his sore throat and burning mind. At this point he wasn't even sure if he cared enough to count the pills anymore.

Everything hurt. In a way not even the painkillers could cover up. 

2D blinked slowly, adjusting himself on his bed and running his fingers through his blue hair. The thin blanket laid messy over his legs, a plastic bottle of pills as a companion next to him and his arm dangling from the wooden edge of the bed next to the mattress. His breath one of the only sounds down here. 

Sometimes the fake Noodle came to get him to record his lines for the new album. It was that little bit of distraction that kept him relatively sane. That little bit of life that kept him from tuning out completely. The music was his only relief, like a warm heartbeat in the deafening silence of his mind.

He missed the real Noodle. His little girl, the child that turned a group three unhappy man into a dysfunctional, slightly less unhappy family.  
But now she was gone and would never come back. 

And he couldn't even bring himself to hating Murdoc.  
He didn't like the older man. He absolutely didn't. It was actually pretty close to hating. But he still admired him, at least to some degree. And he was thankful for what Murdoc turned him into. Sometimes. Somehow. But Murdocs entire existence meant pain for him, be it physical or psychic. And after all the things the satanist had done...  
_Are still enough to keep me alive?_

2D rubbed his hands over his face, trying to wipe away the thoughts from his forehead. It didn't work.

He looked at the blue slit behind the curtains at his bed. The water made the light look blue and dim.  
Just that little reminder of the whale that was swimmging around his room was enough to make his heart beat faster.  
He maybe couldn't hate Murdoc but he certainly hated whales, with their massive bodys and gaping maws, ready to swallow him in whole. 

The burning sensation of his chest returned, together with the pressure on the inside of his head.  
He got so used to this over the time that he reached for the bottle of painkillers automatically. It took a few seconds of groping around till he found it... But something was off. The familiar rattle of the pills was missing.  
Oh.

He had downed the last ones a few hours ago.

No.  
Nononononono!  
This wasn't good, this wasn't good at all. He needed the pills against his pain, he needed the pills, he needed them!

 _Don't panic._  
He was definitely panicking.  
The skinny man freed himself from his blanket, untangling his legs, stumbling over the floor of his underwater room.

Clothes, notebooks and plates laid on the floor, he tripped over a bottle and fell down, bruising his knee on the raw wood. Searching for another bottle he threw books, clothes and other stuff through the room, breathing hard.  
_Where, where, where??_

There had to be more somewhere. There had to be!  
He looked in every corner, behind every piece of furniture. The pain was slowly increasing, his head acting like a time bomb. It wouldn't take long for it to unfold itself, with it's cold, blinding light, embracing him. He already knew that feeling.

The room was caving in under the weight of his rushing yet nonsensical thoughts, dark and suffocating.  
He started to pant, rocking on the rough floot, rubbing his hands together in calming way, burying his head in his arms and biting his lip. 

He sat there for minutes and minutes, watching helplessly while a pressure turned into a headache and finally into a full-grown migraine. It was his first one in a long time that he couldn't fight with medicine and drugs. And he missed them. God how he missed them. 

Curled up he clinged to his blanket like a lifeline. Pain bursting through his body like a shooting star, again and again, lost in a maelstrom of despair and hopelessness. It felt like his head was killing him.

He heard steps, the creaking of metal, an opening door.  
Bright yellow light flooded the room and 2D moaned as the pain grew even bigger, close to swallowing him just like a whale. He pressed his palms against his eyes, trying to keep the burning light out. 

It was cyborg Noodle, getting him to record music.  
Now was really not a good time.  
"Jusgo'waypleas" he mumbled, hiding away from the world. He had no power to face her, look at her. He missed the real Noodle. Too much.

He tuned out at that point, pretending he didn't exist. The cyborg left again, bringing back the darkness. But it came back after a few minutes, opening the door again. Knives stabbing his brain, pain yet again.

She threw something small in his direction, it hit his leg and rolled over the floor, rattling.  
2D opened his eyes a slit wide.  
A white plastic bottle laid right next to his foot. Painkillers.  
The man greedily reached for them, ignoring the pain, opening the bottle with shaking hands and weak fingers, pouring the content in his hollow hand. 

Green and white pills fell to the floor, pattering, rolling everywhere. He didn't care, downing what was left on his hand, swallowing it, devouring it.  
He felt them sliding down his throat, their smooth surface soothing his heartbeat. Calming him down.  
Reassuring him.

The door closed again, leaving him alone while his breath was getting slower.  
When the painkillers started working, the man went back to bed, limp, dozing in his grey dullness. His thoughts now swirling in his head without any direction nor meaning. 

This numbness was probably what kept him from slowly dying down there.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know if listening to Gorillaz for a few days nonstop is healthy but It made me produce this.  
> It's my first fanfic in this fandom so I hope you liked it


End file.
